Have you heard of the Shadow Self? There is a lot of talk about healing the shadow, but do you know where to start? Often times, we are guided to our personal challenges by what is mirrored to us in the outside world. How many times have you caught yourself sneering at another about the way they look, the way they drive, how you would never let yourself go or behave a certain way. Well, these are the clues to what we have denied in our self. The clue is in the reflection.

It can be said that when we deny a part of our selves, we then ‘cast out’ that aspect of us from our conscious awareness, we cannot tolerate that behaviour, emotion or sensitivity, and so when see it in others we become triggered and then judge not just the behaviour, emotion or trait, but often the person who is reflecting this back to us.

The good news is that when we notice ourselves ‘judging’ another, criticising or gossiping about a certain person or behaviour, then this is the clue to what we need to work on next. This could be called our shadow side, an unhealed part of ourselves that is subconsciously running the show. By becoming conscious of our denied pieces, we are then able to bring them back within and make whole.

You may have heard the term fragmented? Well this is similar to denying the self. Modern psychology sees self-denial as when you refuse to see you have a problem or diminishing said problem, or when we project onto another person and then get upset when it is reflected back. Denial of self leads to fragmentation of the psyche, and until you bring those fragmented parts back in and accept them, there will always be feelings of abandonment, guilt and shame because you are denying a part of yourself. The inner child work that is so popular, is an example of how you can bring back a denied part of self. In extreme cases of abuse, a disassociation can take place, and an alternate personality is created to endure the unendurable. It is vital to seek professional support to heal in these instances.

Generally, our self denial is from a circumstance from when we are young, forming an understanding of the world around us, we are given parameters of acceptable or unacceptable behaviour and mould ourselves accordingly. When our nature begins to overide these parameters we deny and split off that part of ourselves.

Healing means bringing all the denied fragments back to self. First by recognising what has been denied ie: what do you judge as bad or unacceptable in others, what is being reflected back to you via your judgement? This takes honesty, courage and a willingness to really look at yourself. Then you can begin to work through those behaviours, those shadow aspects, find out why they were denied in the first place, and then begin to bring them in. Much of this can be done with the intention to heal. With meditation, with journaling. You can seek assistance from a therapist, in regression or via Soul Retrieval. This is an age old shamanic tradition to retrieve lost soul fragments. I have found this was a very powerful experience for myself in my personal shamanic drumming journeys.

My favourite analogy of this is the Japanes art of Kintsugi, which means joining with gold, that is finding the beauty in the broken pieces, and lovingly bringing those pieces back into wholeness and adorning those cracks with gold. A beautiful metaphor for navigating our shadow self, honouring those fractured parts of ourselves and bringing them into wholeness.